5 lies parents bite, hook, line and sinker

15675996_10211148555255566_9200556580741383012_oI have found that in whatsoever setting I have found myself, I am surrounded by parenting experts. Some days, it seems that everyone knows what to do with my children but me. In the course of some of these enlightened discussions, bits of foolishness disguised as universal wisdom tend to surface time and time again. It is my endeavor to expose these lies for what they are, and to reassure you that your God-given reaction to these things is justified.

1. Bad decisions are a rite of passage.

“Oh, we all did that when we were that age.”

“All teenagers do it.”

“It’s really no big deal.”

Whether the topic is alcohol consumption, experimentation with marijuana, sexual experimentation, truancy, shop-lifting, criminal mischief, or basic defiance, today’s street-side parenting experts will excuse your child’s behavior by explaining that you did the same thing as a child, and you turned out fine.

In fact, some have even argued that these bad decisions are so normal, that it is impossible to teach your child to abstain from them. Therefore, your job as parent is to make sure that your child makes a bad decision in the safest way possible.

Think about that last statement. The so-called “parenting experts” that surround us, and constantly barrage us with parenting advice, want us to let our children make bad life choices, but in a safe manner.

Nowhere is this mentality more prominent than in the debate over sex-education in the public schools. There are those who advocate for abstinence education. Others belittle that approach, saying that kids are “going to do it” anyway, so we need to make sure they have condoms and access to abortion. (Never-mind the failure rate with condoms, the potential for sexual abuse, or the regret and emotional trauma caused by bad experiences).

You also see this mentality present with parents who provide alcohol to teenagers under the guise of “providing a safe environment” for underage drinking, or drug use.

We experimented. We made mistakes. Our children, too, will experiment and make mistakes. It’s a rite of passage. Part of growing up. It’s normal. Hogwash and horse-feathers!

Looking back on my teenage indiscretions, I regret many of them. I made choices concerning alcohol and substance abuse that I regret. I wish I had begun adulthood with a healthier understanding of sexuality. I have regrets.

Scripture speaks to this in Romans 6:21, “ What fruit had ye then in those things whereof ye are now ashamed? for the end of those things is death.”

In our youthful indiscretions, what fruit do we have in those things, of which we are now ashamed? Should we resign ourselves to the idea that our children, too, will make the same mistakes and have the same regrets as we?

I say, Nay! Nay!

Our job as parents is not to make sure our kids have the same experiences we had, nor is our job to navigate our children through the same pitfalls we fell into as kids. Our job as parents is to use our experience to our kids’ benefit. Our job is to steer our children away from the pitfalls we fell into, drawing on our experiences and teaching our kids to make the decisions we didn’t.

Setting your children up for a better life than you had used to be a virtue. It’s time we restore that virtue.

2. I have to allow my child to make their own mistakes, and learn from them.

This lie comes from the same mentality as the 1st lie… that bad decisions are inevitable, therefore we should teach kids to make them in a safer manner.

Bad decisions may be inevitable, but our job as parents is to warn our kids against them, steer them away from those bad decisions, and hold them accountable for their decisions, and for the behavior leading to those bad decisions.

Ephesians 6:4 tells us to bring our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The meanings of these words carry the notion that our role as parents (and more specifically, the role of fathers), is to constantly warn children against sin and rebellion. This means to warn them, not only of God’s consequences, but of the worldly consequences of sinful choices.

To stand idly by while our kids “make their own mistakes” is an abdication of a God-given responsibility, and a rebellion against a God-given commandment to parent our children.

3. I have to be my child’s friend, or, my child is my best friend.

If you’re looking for validation or affirmation from your child, you’re doing life wrong.

Your job as parent is to prepare your child to launch into the world, not to establish your child as a lifelong companion and confidant. Your role as parent involves giving your child the tools they need to succeed in life, spiritually, economically and socially. Your child is not there to meet your needs. You’re there to meet your child’s needs. And what your child needs from you is not another friend or buddy (honestly, they should be making those from kids in their own age-group), but rather the guidance and leadership that will prepare them for the next phase in their life.

This involves discipline. This involves tough choices. This involves denying them things that you really want to give them.

This is a tough road, and it’s not for the faint of heart.

Scripture says “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” For your child’s safety, survival and betterment, you must use the rod of correction to drive the foolishness from your child’s heart.

And while that verse is often associated with spanking, the rod of correction can take on many forms. It can be a mode of punishment, or, like the shepherd’s rod, it can be a guiding force.

The rod of correction can come in the form of grounding, lost privileges, chores, consequences, earned privileges, and earned rewards.

The rod of correction, that is, discipline, is not merely punishment. It is the shaping of proper behaviors and attitudes within your child. And no matter how positive you try to make it, it will not be an easy road for your child.

They will tell you they hate you. They will call you the worst parents ever. They will say they wish they had never been born. They will threaten to run away. If your personal validation requires positive feedback from your children, this is where you will implode and fail. You must be strong. You must know your role. You must remember the goal.

In the short term, you will find yourself at odds with your child, and your feelings hurt. In the long-term, you are shaping the world view, moral character, and if done Biblically, the Spiritual fortitude of your child. In the long-term, your child is better off for it, and will love you for it.

To borrow a cliche, “They’ll thank you someday.”

Okay, maybe they won’t thank you. But then again, that’s not why you parent in the first place.

4. I want to give my child everything I didn’t have.

This is a materialistic mindset. Your goal is not to give your child a better material life, but a better start in life, and a better life overall.

If you didn’t make the team, weren’t elected class president, or weren’t accepted into Harvard, do not make it your mission to make sure your child gets all of that.

If you didn’t have your own car in school, don’t make it your mission to buy your kid a car.

Make it your mission to equip your child for adulthood.

5. My child deserves the best.

Yes, and no.

Your child deserves your best. However, your child does not deserve the best the world has to offer. That has to be earned.

A better mindset is that your child needs to learn to make the best of what they have. If you can teach them that, then they are head and shoulders above the rest.

The conclusion of the matter.

Parenting is an 18-20 year journey full of ups and downs, hills and valleys, roadside raiders and landmines. It’s not for the faint of heart. If it were easy, Dr. James Dobson would be running a hotdog stand in Anaheim.

There are times you won’t know what to do. There are times you will make mistakes. There are times you will wonder why God trusted you with your children in the first place.

God didn’t make a mistake. Trust Him, trust His model for parenthood. And reject the lies that the world throws at you regarding parenthood.

Love your child. Prepare them for adulthood. In the end, you will see a blessing.

Are there any other parenting misconceptions out there? Feel free to post them below. God bless you.

Building Big in the City of Early

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The above-posted picture is the framework for Life Point Baptist Church’s new worship facility, which will open this summer on Sunrise Drive next to Early Elementary and Middle Schools. That picture was taken in 2014, and it seems both like it was yesterday, and that it was ancient history.

My family moved to Brown County in 2008. We quickly discovered that Early was the place to be. The schools are top-shelf. There’s entertainment, parks, family activities, restaurants and shopping. Thus, in 2011, we were able to move our family to Early, and in 2014, we were able to move our church to Early.

As I write this post, work crews are not only finishing up the electrical work on Life Point’s new facility, but construction crews are working on the new Hobby Lobby location, the new Burger King, and ground will soon break on a new town-home development. Further retail developments are in the works, but nothing has been solidified yet.

My goal as the newest member of the city council is to make sure we foster an environment where families want to move to Early, entrepreneurs want to build businesses in Early, and consumers want to shop in Early. My goal is to see this pro-family, pro-business environment cultivated while holding the line on property taxes, and dropping property tax rates when possible.

Today, I was asked what the city needed from its business community. My response? “Sell your product, grow your business, enjoy life.”

In Early, we have an amazing opportunity to improve an already great community. We have an opportunity to cultivate a community where life is good. All we need to make that happen is for the people of Early to build their lives and enjoy life.

As you do this, keep an eye on the horizon. Great things will soon appear there.

The Ballad of Thomas Ryman

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There are many reasons why people think that the Ryman Auditorium is called “the Mother Church of Country Music.” First, it looks like a church. Notice the arched windows and doorways, the American Gothic architecture, and the wooden pews inside.

Then, there’s the devoted, religious following of the Grand Ole Opry, which still closes most of its performances with a Gospel tune.

Finally, there’s the notion that you haven’t really arrived in Country Music until the “Mother Church” gives you her blessing, and you are invited to play the Opry (even if most of the performances are now held at the Opryland Resort.)

But how many realize that the Ryman Auditorium, the Mother Church of Country Music, was actually a church?

In 1885, Riverboat operator and saloon owner Thomas Ryman noticed that the ongoing Christian revival across Tennessee is cutting into his business. Looking to preserve his business ventures, Ryman decided to go to a revival meeting held by the great Evangelist Samuel Porter Jones for the purpose of disrupting and heckling the service.

Instead of stopping the revival, Ryman himself wound up converting to Christianity. So moved by the preaching of Jones, and his own redemption, Ryman endeavored to make sure everyone could hear the Gospel as spoken by Jones’ voice. So, he invested $100,000 ($2.7 million in today’s cash) to build the “Union Gospel Tabernacle,” a 6,000 seat chapel where Jones would be able to preach to multitudes.

Worship services were held, and Jones held many revivals in the facility. The tabernacle was renamed the “Ryman Auditorium” in 1904 by Jones as he preached Ryman’s funeral.

The Ryman Auditorium closed in the 1930s, and fell into disrepair before being taken over by WSM-AM in the 1960s to become the site of the Grand Ole Opry.

I read this story several years ago, and it continues to impress me that a hardened sinner was so moved with gratitude for his salvation, and concern for the eternal destiny of his fellow man, that he put his fortune to the test to build a place where everyone could come, hear the Gospel, and be saved.

When I think about this, I wonder what I have done to show my gratitude to God for my salvation. I also wonder what would happen if I did more. Furthermore, what if we had more Thomas Rymans in the world, hardened sinners broken and redeemed by the power of Christ who turned around and did everything in their power to reach those around them? If this happened, what kind of revival would we see in our country?

Right now, the entertainment industry politicizes everything, thinking that to legitimize their fame and popularity, they have to adopt a cause or message to change the world. Politicians legislate to leave their mark on the world. Athletes endorse ideas and causes.

The rest of the world uses its platform to advance a secular agenda. Isn’t it time that Christians use their platform to advance the Kingdom of God?

May God grant you the boldness to live out your faith and reach others with the Gospel.

Scars, stars, bazaar: The Greatest Showman rocks our imaginations

Forget everything you know about P.T. Barnum. The Connecticut-born son of a tailor who so coveted high society that he swindled and cheated his way into mass fortune died 126 years ago. All that remains of him is the name of a circus.

The P.T. Barnum depicted in “The Greatest Showman” is a fictitious character, an energetic, benevolent man whose blind ambition led him to make occasional mistakes in his relationships.

Portrayed by Hugh Jackman, P.T. Barnum whisks his love, Charity, away by imploring her to use her imagination, adding that the world is what they make of it. A running theme throughout the musical is how they can change their stars, and create their own world, being limited only by their own imaginations. His love, dreams and enthusiasm lights the hearts of his wife and daughters, and inspires his followers, a rag-tag group of misfits including the bearded lady, the world’s smallest man, a theatre director and even a world-renown opera singer.

The movie maintains a happy tone, even when the characters deal with very difficult situations, ranging from rejection, personal pain, and hopelessness. The darkest of times are quickly abandoned for the next adventure, and the next song.

The ongoing theme of “The Greatest Showman” is that of acceptance. P.T. Barnum struggled to gain the acceptance of high society, while his cast of odd characters struggled to accept themselves, and struggled to gain acceptance of mainstream society.

Having gone from pauper to prince with the financial success of Barnum’s Circus, Barnum enlisted the help of a popular theatre director to “win the high brows.” This resulted in an audience with the queen of England, which connected Barnum to the famous opera singer Jenny Lind, with whom Barnum strikes up a partnership for a North American tour.

Regardless of all that happened, Barnum never really gains the acceptance of high society. He is then reminded of the true value of the friends he has, and learns to quit living to impress people that he doesn’t really like in the first place.

The cast of odd-characters struggle throughout the movie. Rejected not only by their own mothers, many had trouble accepting themselves. Throughout the course of the movie, they learn to accept themselves, and to see their oddity as a gift. They also find comfort in each other.

I came away from this movie inspired and happy. I was reminded to dream big, to be myself, and to love those around me. And for that reminder, I give the movie a thumbs up!

Not because it’s right, but because it’s trending

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Photo: Bob Beecher

I was on the phone with a publicist for a movie production taking place in Texas.

“This is big,” she said. “Oprah has reviewed our script, decided she likes it, so the film will be produced by The Weinstein Company.”

Back when this conversation took place, The Weinstein Company was nothing more than a “W” logo that flashed on the screen at the beginning of a movie trailer or at the end of the movie credits. I didn’t know who they were or what they did. I did know who Oprah was, and I thought it was really cool that she had taken on this particular project.

There’s a lot with which I disagree with Oprah. I think her daytime TV talk show is overly emotional. Her politics lean left, mine lean way right. I still haven’t forgiven her for thrusting Dr. Phil upon us. Then again, I can blame the Texas beef industry for that. Had they never sued her over her show on “Mad Cow” disease, she’d have never gone to court in Amarillo, and would have never met Dr. Phil.

On the other hand, I have to respect a woman who went from absolute poverty to the billionaire she is today. She accomplished her success through hard work, good decisions, and by creating a product that, even if I don’t like it, is adored by millions.

Still, her speech at the Golden Globes the other night went all over me. While I agree with the message she spoke, I wondered how she must have felt delivering the message.

I don’t think Oprah engaged in inappropriate behavior with Harvey Weinstein. She has too much dignity and class. I don’t think she knowingly helped him, or was complicit in any specific encounter he had. She has a moral compass.

Yet, everyone in Hollywood, Oprah included, knew what Harvey Weinstein was. Go back and look at the Seth McFarlane joke on YouTube. Read or watch the jokes about the entertainment industry, and how Hollywood execs, including Weinstein, behaved themselves. What was going on was common knowledge, and had even become the punchline of a twisted cultural joke.

So, when she stood on stage and proclaimed that a new day was coming when powerful men would no longer be able to prey on young ladies, I couldn’t help but think, “Why haven’t you said anything before now?”

As long as getting along with Harvey Weinstein was good business, Oprah did it. Now that Weinstein has been revealed to be the pervert that he is, good business dictates criticism of him and the entertainment industry that allowed him to thrive.

But that’s all it is. Good business. Oprah’s speech, and the “Time’s Up” pins worn to the Golden Globes amount to nothing more than a social media post designed to get page views because the right hashtag was used. And therein lies the problem.

Our culture has become one of “hashtag activism.” You don’t actually do anything, you just post about it, and people congratulate you on your compassion for being able to type 140-280 characters.

When you log onto Facebook, look in the right-hand margin. You’ll notice a few topics that Facebook says is trending. On Twitter, that list is to the left. Make any post, add a hashtag that aligns with the word or phrase that is trending, and presto! Page views, comments, likes and shares.

When Weinstein’s accusers came out, the #MeToo hashtag began to trend. When that happened, accusations came out against multiple Hollywood celebrities and executives. Justice for sexual harassment victims trended, which is why Hollywood added the #TimesUp pins, and Oprah gave her speech. They are merely following the social trend.

Next year, this will all be forgotten, and another social cause, environmental cause, or political cause will take its place. Hopefully, more will have been accomplished than a few elite personalities going viral on social media.

In the meantime, Oprah can bring about a lot of healing, to her industry and reputation, by apologizing for her associations with Weinstein and vowing to create an entertainment industry where young ladies will be able to sell their talents, not their bodies.

When Rome falls

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You find the most interesting things on Facebook.

Scrolling through my news feed this morning, I came across this gem, comparing the distraction most Americans enjoy via the NFL with the distractions most Romans enjoyed via chariot races, gladiator “games,” and the Olympics.

And while the Roman government deliberately built elaborate stadiums to distract the masses from the crumbling empire and human rights abuses, in America, we distracted ourselves.

Now, I’m not bashing sports, or the NFL. I enjoy watching football, and even have been able to attend a few Big-12 College Football games, and one Dallas Cowboys’ Thanksgiving Day game.  I will probably continue to enjoy watching sports for the foreseeable future.

But for some reason, seeing the above-posted meme on Facebook was kind of an eye-opener for me.

Do you know why the NFL protests were so controversial? And subsequently, why the NFL protests have, at least in part, played a role in the decline of NFL ratings? It’s because, once the players used their platform to advance a socially conscious agenda, they reminded us of the social problems that remain in America.

Whether you agree with Colin Kaepernick or not, seeing he and his followers take a knee during the Star-Spangled Banner reminded you that the reconciliation we thought we had accomplished hadn’t advanced us as far as we had thought. Having that bubble burst, watching football became a reminder of the deep-divides that remain in American society. Once that happened, watching football wasn’t as fun as it was before.

And that’s why the NFL protests were so controversial. People don’t like to be reminded of their problems as they try to escape them. So, we had the controversial debate over the past two years, and we quit watching football.

The good news is that we can use our newly raised awareness to make good things happen. True change will not come through legislation, political action, or by socially-conscious NFL players. It will come through the small, daily decisions made by each individual. So, to borrow a phrase, “be the change.” Extend random acts of kindness to others, and let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father in Heaven.

And Go Bulldogs!

We never meant for this to happen, but we can still help

11156384_10206298906337374_6382280851986253488_nIn 2003, I was sold on the Iraq invasion. Saddam Hussein had used weapons of mass destruction against his own people in order to put down rebellions, and was possibly colluding with terrorist organizations who planned on carrying out major attacks against the American homeland.

If the above statement seems ignorant to you, please forgive me. I, like millions of other Americans only want to see our nation secure and our people prosper. In the aftermath of 9/11, neither could be guaranteed as terrorist organizations in the Middle East had not only stated their intent to destroy America, but managed to kill thousands merely by hijacking airliners.

What we were told leading up to the invasion of Iraq was that we would (a) be neutralizing a direct threat to the American homeland, (b) eliminating stockpiles of chemical and biological weapons, (c) disrupting terror operations and (d) liberating an oppressed people.

We were warned that the war would be a prolonged effort to establish a free and democratic nation in Iraq, and that the culture change would take at least a generation. The cost would be high, the sacrifice would be great, but once successful, Iraq and Afghanistan would become beacons of freedom and hope to the Middle East, which would result in people being liberated from dark totalitarian regimes.

That’s what we were told. I believe that President George W. Bush was sincere in his desire to effect lasting change in the Middle East, but that didn’t happen.

In the aftermath of the invasion, the country destabilized. Al Qaeda set up operations in northern Iraq and immediately began persecuting Christians. When the Obama administration pulled out of Iraq (to fulfill a campaign promise to end the war), ISIS went on the offensive, essentially conquering the northern part of Iraq and increasing the persecution of Christians and non-Muslims.

This morning on my radio show, I had the opportunity to visit with Juliane Tamoorazy, the president and founder of the Iraqi Christian Relief Council. Tamoorazy discussed the plight of Christians in northern Iraq, and hoped that Vice President Mike Pence would visit with them upon his trip to Iraq scheduled for January.

While Tamoorazy blames American policy for the problem in northern Iraq, she doesn’t blame Americans, emphasizing that Americans have good hearts and want to help people. She noted that, even in Iraq, the people blame the politics, and not the American people.

It was a difficult interview for me to conduct, because I couldn’t help but think about what the situation would be like if it were my house that were marked for persecution, if it were my family kidnapped and sold into slavery, or it was my time to be killed, all for believing in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

On my show, we debate policy. We discuss political ramifications of legislative or executive action. We discuss what’s happening in the government. Today, I couldn’t have that conversation.

So, I asked, “What can Americans do for our Christian brothers and sisters who are enduring persecution in Iraq?”

She thanked me for the question, indicating to me that she doesn’t get that question very often, and told me that the Iraqi Christians need blankets, heaters, air conditioners and basic needs for living. Of course, her organization is putting on a drive for those products.

Scripture tells us in Hebrews 13:3, “Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them; and them which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the body.”

To remember them in bonds, to remember the persecuted Christians, means to keep them top-of-mind, the way God remembered Noah in Genesis 8:1. We are to be mindful of them as if it were our very own in bondage, because, when you think about it, they are our very own. We are to remember them the way we would want to be remembered if we were enduring that persecution.

And, we are to remember them “which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the body.” This means that when some of us suffer, we all are affected.

2018 promises to be a good year in American life. Let us not be guilty of enjoying the good times while our Christian brothers and sisters suffer. Let us remember them, and as we have opportunity, do good unto them. This can be done through a number of organizations, including the Iraqi Christian Relief Council, Open Doors, or Voice of the Martyrs.

The time for silence and complicity has ended. It’s time to help.